I know it has been a looong time since I have posted. I have thought about it many times, and thought about how I prolly SHOULD be keeping track of this process. But honestly, the last year has been pretty hellish filled with anger, and hurt and evil games I didn't want to partake in while they were happening, let alone remember them for years to come. That, and sometimes you can only complain so much before you start to annoy yourself. So I have lived the past 18 months in a desperate attempt to try to keep my family and myself happy and try to keep a little girls future secure. Long story short, last October my husbands sister and her husband died in a motorcycle accident. They had a 3 year old little girl. Hubby and I decided we would file for custody, since we have 2 little girls around her age, we are doing the "raising the kids thing", whats one more?
His mother is the other party involved. Still not going to get into that, because... well, it is what it is and it isn't a happy place for me and this is a happy post.
We have not told this child in the entire time we have been fighting for visitation and in the time since we were awarded joint custody of her that our goal was to have her live with us full time. We figured she was young, just lost her parents and honestly, it confuses us sometimes. It isn't really a conversation you have with a now 5 year old.
I talked to her therapist last month about a good time to tell her and she suggested waiting until after full custody was awarded because she likes stability. Agreed.
When I picked her up Sunday evening she told me that my mother in law told her that she would only be coming to us 4 more weeks, then after that she would only be coming to spend the night with us one day a month. I told her that no one knew what the judge would order yet, that is what her grandmother wants, but we are going to ask the judge to not let that happen and the judge is going to hear what everyone wants and make a decision about what is right.
The next day we are driving to her therapist and she asked me if I want her. I told her of course! She asked if I loved her. I told her very much. I asked her how she felt about what her grandmother had told her about only coming here one day a month and she said that she wouldn't be able to do all the fun stuff we do. I said yea, which is why I didn't want that to happen. She said it was confusing and I told her it was, it was confusing for me too, and we can just be confused together. She asked me who I loved most. I told her I loved all my girls the same! Yes, but who do you love most. I said I can't possibly choose because I really loved them all with all my heart. She said, are you confused? I smiled and said I guess I am. But it is a good thing to be confused about, having so many people you love so much.
So I sat her therapist down and asked about how to answer the questions. She was told from the other side what they wanted and she was trying to ask me what we wanted and I just didn't know how to talk to her without confusing her more. She said it would be best to tell her since it sounds like she wanted to know that we wanted her. She said from her observation of Amber she feels like Amber wants to be with her grandmother, but also wants to be part of our family and she can't quite figure out how to make it work. Sounds right.
So I waited for her to bring it up last night and we never got around to talking. So today we are hanging out going through some clothes and I ask her if we can talk. She said sure! I said, I know you know what your grandmother wants, but do you know what we are going to ask the judge? She said, she thinks we want her to live her. I said we do. We want her to be part of our family. What did she think? She said that her grandmother and her husband couldn't do all the fun stuff we do. I said that was right, and we wanted her to be able to play baseball, and go to Dollywood and on vacations and be a girl scout and play all the time, but more than that, we want her to be part of our family, and have sisters and a family that could take care of her until she grows up and gets married. She hopped in my lap and hugged me so tight! I told her that she would be able to see her grandmother all she wanted, they can come to dinner, they can come to all of her ball games and we can have cookouts. She looked at me and said, no... grandma said I would only get to see her on Christmas if I lived with you. (grrrrr).
I told her that sometimes her grandmother didn't understand everything that was going on, just like we don't always understand everything. But she could go spend the weekend, just like my girls spend the night with Mema and Pa. The whole time she is now leaning against me rubbing my arms and hugging me.
I asked her if she felt better now that we talked, or if she is still confused. She said she wasn't.
So we are putting her new clothes in her drawer, and she said, you know what? I said what baby? She said, I really hope I get to live here.
Me too baby. Me too.