Saturday, January 31, 2009

Door to Door Bible Thumpers.

I want to start by saying that although I don't believe you can earn your way into heaven by passing out cards about Jesus, I respect the beliefs of those who do. To each their own. I hope to heaven that these people who are willing to go to a strangers door and spread the love of the word of God with people are rewarded for it later.


There are so many crazies in this world. I know I read the news too much. I really don't do much else besides read the news. I devour it all day every day. Love it.
I have of course read too much about people getting hurt, killed, raped, beaten... because they let their guard down.

So how do I know you aren't a cleverly disguised meanie posing as a innocent kind hearted Mormon?

Thus, when someone knocks on the door you better believe the only thing I am going to do is double check the dead bolt and try to hush the kids. Which is so frickin hard! Have you ever tried to keep a 2 and 4 year old quiet when someone is knocking at the door? They suddenly forget how to whisper. "Mommy! Who is that!?!?"
"Why do we have to be quiet?!"

The other alternative would be to shout through the door, Thanks, but I am good! Go away!

It surely doesn't make me sound like a nice Christian whose heart is right with God does it? No. It makes me sound rude and hateful. Which most of the time I am fine with, but really... they are holding a bible. It just feels wrong.

But Alas, I have 2 very wonderful little girls and I can't take that risk. There were two of them today. I was out numbered. They were big too, it wasn't like the little Mormons on a bike, they came in a car. A man and a woman. Too much of a risk if you ask me... and they did, by knocking on my door.

I am sorry if I came across as hateful guys, but I am a momma bear just protecting her cubs. But I appreciate your concern for my soul. I really do. I hope they can understand my concern for my children and not hold it against me.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I cut her hair.

My oldest is 4 and almost a half. She has never had a hair cut. Basically she has beautiful hair, always has. When she was little she had the curliest hair ever and honestly I was afraid if I cut her hair the curls would leave and never come back. Scary thought. When she got old enough to care she decided she loves her long hair. She will look in the mirror and say it is beautiful, and it is.

But it is old and has split ends. I was brushing it yesterday and on a whim decided I was going to take it upon myself to cut it. I tell her it will look beautiful and healthy and she agrees, kinda.
I start cutting and realize the scissors are dull. Too late to turn back. I set some hair down on the table next to her and she says "um, mommy, that sure is a lot of hair..."
Yeah baby, it is okay tho. All in all I took off about 5 inches. Put it in a baggie because I have issues with separation okay?

To my glee (!!!) her hair is still curly! Yea! So cute. She is happy, it is still below her shoulders so she can't see the end when it is pushed back.

I did pretty good too, even with the dull scissors, it is straight.

But afterward I was kicking myself. She would have loved to go to a salon and get it done. I didn't think. I must start thinking.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I miss you... Peanut butter cookie.

I have heard that 6 people have died. BUT I can't find reports on the people who died, were they old? Babies? People with compromised health?
I thought Salmonella was more of a - you get sick, stomach cramping kinda thing. Gastroenteritis...
Which of course if you are sick, you don't need to add fuel to the fire.

I understand not giving them to my kids. Fine, no PB kids.

They have not been selling them for over a week! I am having withdrawals.
You might be thinking Carrie! Why would you want to get sick?
I say to you, my friend...


But more than that... IF I do eat a cookie and get sick it means

A. I had a great time eating my cookie.
B. Cookie is not going to be in my body long enough to adhere to my hips.
C. Do you know how much weight people lose when they are sick with gastroenteritis?!?!?

Tell me, where is the problem?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Oh kitty kitty, why do you run from me?

So I still can't find that stupid cat. I have hunted. Sought. Offered favors to the lady at ToysRUs (Which I must say she was not amused which made my willingness to do them for said kitty evaporate).
I found it today on Amazon. I have to say I don't understand the whole Amazon thing well. I got a couple great deals pre-Christmas which told me it was worth my while to check.
They had some, in stock 39.99 free shipping. Heck yes! It tells me they will be available 1-17, order now!!
Okay, so I put kitty in the cart. I confirm my shipping address and payment info then click on "Proceed to Checkout".
I then am informed that the quantity I selected is no longer available.
I go back to the begining. Find Kitty. Put kitty in cart again. Confirm and proceed again only to be informed I can't have it again!!
Why tell me to order it now if it isn't going to let me until Saturday? I don't understand!!!
Do they have Amazon for Dummies?
here kitty kitty....

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Batteries!!! And a stupid cat.

I don't remember needing batteries for everything when I was growing up. I had a light bright that you plugged into the wall. My dolls had eyes that opened and closed, but it was more of a riggie thing that had something to do with gravity. I had board games and blocks. I survived a child hood with few, very few toys that needed those portable energy bullets.

My children have not yet finished opening all of their Christmas presents. They got that much crap! We have not deboxed it all!
But what is worse than the fact that they got too much, is that Sarah didn't get a white kitty.
No, not a real white kitty, but that Ugly Fur Real Friends white kitty. I didn't get it because it is ugly. Really ugly. What do I know? Ever since then she will ask us if Santa will get it for her next year. She is good by the way at the guilt. She will just sigh out of no where. "(Sigh), Mommy, will you help me wish on that star?" Me sure!
Her - "star wight, star Brite, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight... I wish for that white kitty, not a real one, the fake one. I wuv it so much."
I smile at her. 10 seconds later she asks "Mommy, do you think that White kitty will be there when we get home?" I bang my head against the steering wheel. Why you ask? Because they were everywhere before Christmas! Now!!! NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! argh!

Today Maddie asks for her leapfrog computer thingie. It is a keyboard and mouse that you hook into the TV and play with. After wrestling with the box for 10 minutes, cutting tape and thick plastic doo hickeys and ripping a chunk of my index finger off it was free!!

Free, and in need of 8, yes count em 8 batteries. 4 AA and 4C. argh.
We have several rechargable AA's in the house. We learned a long time ago they need to be around and constantly juicing. Sarah got a VSmile pocket that cripples at least 4 batteries a day, a spongebob game that houses another 4. I have my camera needing 2, and then we have 15 remotes. We are lovers of the rechargables.
I need to get more AA's. A set for Maddie. I don't want her to have to share Sarahs.
We have some of the big batteries on the counter from Uncle Drew. He bought a bunch for the light brites he got them for Christmas, sweet huh?
So we pile into the car. I need to get some stuff to make sweedish meatballs anyway, and I am on a mission to get Sarah a Fur Real Friends White cat (if you see one, call me!).
We go to the store. We get the mandated cookies from the bakery lady, because entering WalMart or Target and not getting a cookie would provoke a meltdown that would have strangers giving them cookies to shut them up. I promise. You would fetch them cookies yourself.
So we get hamburger, sweedish meatball mix. We hunt for the still evasive cat (amazon has it for 80 bucks, but come on... that is insanity) and I get 4 AA batteries.
While we are out I figure I will check Target, just in case. No kitty. course not. Why would there be a kitty? I think about heading to ToysRUs, but they are saying they are hungry, it is 12, so I figure I will go home and make lunch.
After lunch I sit down to put the batteries in Maddies thing. I have the screwdriver. I get the 4 AA's in. I screw the lid in. I unscrew the shield for the main part that plugs into the tv and try to put the D batteries I had on the counter into the holes big enough for only C's.

Shoot me now.

I try to explain to Madison that Mommy is an Idiot. I try to stop her crying because she decided today that after 3 weeks of it being in a box she NEEDS it out NOW!!

I could have packed them back up and took them back to the store for more batteries. I could even have gone to ToysRus to buy them. But the yelling gave me a headache and instead I put them down for naps. I am going to join them. We will go on a Kitty/Battery scavenger hunt tomorrow.
C's Carrie... C's!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

He done ticked me off.

My children love Sams Club. Love. I mention the place and clothes suddenly find themselves on their bodies. Shoes magically appear and I don't have to ask them to turn out any lights. Sometimes I think about telling them we are going just to motivate them to get out the door, but they would catch on sooner or later.
Why do they love Sams?

Samples. OMG. They will eat anything that is in a little plastic cup with a toothpick. Itty bitty spoon? Even better. It amazes me how they will coax me into walking by a stand 2-3 times to get more and yet when I purchase this goodness they can't get enough of and put it on a regular plate with simple unexciting frogs or monkeys on it and hand them a fork they look at me like I have betrayed them and won't touch it.

I need to make a note to buy those cups, surely they sell them there right? Right.

After we check out everything in the entire warehouse we have to have Nathans hot dogs for lunch. Not that they have room after the super sampler frenzy, but we have to. They make me. I don't like those hot dogs on butter buns with mustard and onions and those neat pouches of sauerkraut. mmmm.
I digress.

This snack bar purchase accomplishes 2 things.
1. Lunch is done, easy.
2. I now at this point have 2 receipts.

Why, you ask, do I need 2 receipts??

I have 2 kids. For the longest time they had this super nice lady that checks your cart and checks off your receipt. This angel with a highlighter would draw smiley faces on them for my kids. They loved this, looked forward to it. Sometimes when she was not busy she would draw hair, long for Sarah, short for Maddie. Loved her. Miss her.

Now they have some old guy at this station who doesn't even smile at you. Why they have him doing this I will never know because he is not nice. We have to ask him everytime for a smiley face please. Please. My two beautiful daughters say please! He does not think they are cute apparently.
Yet, he has obliged us and given them smiley faces which have brought my babies great joy. It doesn't take much.

Today... on a day where the place is far from busy. When we walk up to him with neither no one behind us nor in front of us, he takes Sarahs receipt and draws a happy face with out being asked ( I think he is learning finally!) then he walks away. I turned to him and he whipped around and told me "They are just going to have to share".

-Moment of disbelief here-

I am not expecting much. It takes 4 seconds to put 2 dots and a curve on a receipt. My Maddie at this point starts to cry. I want to tell him he is a jerk , but just move out the door. My child is not a tantrum thrower and is not crying in a "I want that now!" kind of way, but more in a "why did he break my heart" kind of way, which only further prods momma bear.
My mother, recognizing the rage searches her purse for a pen and gives my baby a smiley face. She looks at it, smiles through her tears and says "Thank you for my happy face Mema."

Am I over-reacting? Yeah I know it is not his "job" to smiley face a receipt, but come on. I go there several times a month. I don't think it is too much to ask.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'm sick

Not in the OMG, your a freak kind of way. In the can't feel my head, throat hurts and can't escape the nausea kind of way. I went to bed feeling fine! I did have a dream that I kept blowing my nose. Stupid sinuses. Here I was getting ready to hit the gym for the second day in a row (almost a record thank you very much)! uh.
My girls seem to enjoy it when I am sick. I don't have the energy to tell them to stop doing anything so they have free reign of the house. All I can do is watch them from the couch as they tear the house apart and harass each other. Maddie is currently in the Lincoln logs container. She popped the bottom out so she can walk around with it around her for some reason. I am thinking it would be cute if she had shoulder straps and she could just wear a barrel, remember that? I don't remember where I remember that from, cartoon? I donno. whatever.
Girls are cool cause they don't destroy, they "decorate". They have every blanket they own out and over the carpet. I have a patch work floor. ha. But there are toys everywhere, mainly the Lincoln logs that no longer have a home... Must send hubby to store for plastic storage container. yea. I will forget that in 3 minutes.
Madison, who should be on her 4th cup of apple juice (relax, before you start on the juice causes obesity kick, I water it down, so she is really only on 2 cups of juice, and 2 cups of water. it cancels it out. And besides, the kids not fat, has my butt, but not fat. shut up I will give her juice all day if I want to) but after the first cup and her asking 40 times and me not moving she found a half empty bottle of Cherry coke and is sucking that down (yeah, 4 glasses of juice doesn't sound that bad NOW does it?).
Sarah has decided she needs hot dogs for lunch.
Anyone know a place that will deliver hot dogs??
But my darling Sarah did bring me my Slanket. She is such a good kid, always wanting to help and mother people. She is old enough to learn how to cook her own lunch right?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Bathroom Humor.

After church yesterday Sarah asked if we can go to her favorite restaurant for lunch (since her um, mother was too busy being dramatic to get her breakfast, crying over nothing... telling myself it was PMS). I ask what her favorite restaurant is and she said Chinese. I explain to her that the Chinese restaurants over there suck eggs and she tells me "No! The Chinese restaurant next to Chuck E Cheese's!" Well, that makes more sense. It is a pretty good (if you can look past the health score) Japanese restaurant. Has the buffet section, a kick ass sushi buffet, and a hibachi grill in the middle. Fine. Let us go.
We get there and find it packed. There are 2 hibachi fellers but a line 7 deep. Uh. whateva. I take Sarah with me leaving hubby and Maddie. We do this dance every time we go. I take Sarah, place our order with Hibachi fellers, get Maddie a plate from the buffet and return it to her, go back to get our food and then tag hubby so he can scurry to get his food.
Today however the line is awful. I grab Maddie's food and settle in. Sarah is bouncing in exactly one square foot of space and I am starting the normal threatening, glaring and hand squeezing to keep her still.
We get up to where there is one guy a head of us. Woo hoo. Light at the end of the tunnel. If those people would just hurry up with the grilling already!!
Then of course it happens. Sarah says "Mommy! I have to go Potty!"
me- "Wait a minute." I look and I think they are about finished. So they are going to take this guys order and then I will place mine! Then we can scramble and drop off Maddie's food, run to the potty and be back by the time it is done!
Sarah, after well over a minute "Mommy, I don't think I can wait much longer."
The Hibachi fellers are still buttering veggies and plating. Really, just another minute and they should be done!
She starts bouncing. uh! Fine, lets go! We deliver Maddies food and I tell my hubby that we have not ordered yet, and Sarah has to potty. Sarah is circling the table dancing as she happily places chop sticks at every place. I tell her to come on! There was URGENCY a minute ago and now she is just dancing around the table!
So we go to the bathroom, she sits down and just stares at me. I say WHAT? she says What??
I ask her why she is not peeing! She says because she has to poop!
Yea! great.
So I settle in for the long haul. We hear someone come in and occupy the stall next to us. Sarah says, very loud by the way "mommy! Are they going to go pee pee or poo poo?" I whisper, pleading for her to hush. "But Mommy! What are they going to do!!" I tell her I don't know!
Toilet flushes, stall is vacated.
"Mommy, she must have just gone pee pee cause she was too fast for poo poo."
Lady giggles and leaves.
She then tells me that her arms hurt. I ask her if she is done.
"Mommy! I will tell you when I am done. I am not done, my arms just hurt!!"
"What do you want me to do about that Sarah?"
I am wishing I had my phone so I could call Brad and tell him we are going to be an hour and he can go get himself some food.
"MOMMY!!! My arms Hurt!!"
"Sarah, I can not hold you on the potty. You need to hurry up."
Someone else comes in! Oh great. I lean in and tell her to be quiet.
"Why do I have to be quiet?!" Great. Now I am a freak in a stall with a child I am trying to keep quiet. I lean my head back on the door.
"Mommy! Do you have to pee?"
No Sarah, I am good. Are you almost done?
"Mommy! I already told you I will tell you when I am done! Is that lady going pee pee?"
Yes Sarah, she is going to go pee pee.
After what must have been a good 15 minutes she tells me she is done.
She stands up and I wipe her butt, and she asks me
"Mommy, how many poos did I went?
"Mommy! How many?! Did I go 12 poops?"
Laughing comes from stall next to us. Good, off the hook for being a freak.
Yes Sarah, you went 12 poops. Good girl.

Me Misses...

From time to time I will have withdrawals for NY. I don't know if it is my family per say... could be. Could be the smog, or smell of all the buses burning diesel fuel. Maybe I miss the lack of greenery, and trees in lieu of concrete as far as the eyes can see. We lived in the nice neighbor hood where all trees were set in cement with metal grates letting the rain through to the roots. That was the way it was, and it was fine. Normal. Some neighborhoods didn't even have these trees lining the main road.

The sidewalks were never the same for more than a few houses. Some were smooth and nice, perfect for roller skating. Once you got going real good and fast it would switch up to cobblestone with huge uneven cracks that would send you flying, if you were lucky into a hedge, but more often than not I landed on the jagged brushed concrete which does a fantastic job of scraping the skin off of bone.

We could walk to where ever we needed to go. A corner grocery was a block away. Pizza parlor on the corner. Hills (thats were the toys are) 10 blocks away to the East, and then Grams was about a 30 minute walk to the West. What else do you need?

I miss not having air conditioning in the summer so we had to have all the windows open with box fans in them. We were a driveway away from our neighbors and we lived in a stacked duplex, so there was another family living above us in their house. Noise was everywhere. Muffled music, TV, or fighting was a constant comfort as I tried to sleep. Sirens, or dogs fighting and the occasional fight that had to be taken outside. I miss the noise of the city.

The snow was beautiful. We had lake effect snow all the time! I miss the trees that didn't sag under the weight and the plows that made it manageable. My mom would wrap our feet in plastic bags from bread so they didn't get wet on the walk to school, because it doesn't matter how big or waterproof your boots were, the snow was higher and it would fall in the top and get your socks wet. There is nothing worse than having cold wet feet all day.
But we could make snowmen! Snow angels, sledding, snowball fights! I am beginning to wonder if my girls will ever touch snow.

Then of course I miss my crazy family. But right now I am just thinking of the fun childhood my kids won't experience.