Tucker.

I really don't know at what point my dog became a dog. I dreamed of this dog for years. It took begging, pleading, crying to get my parents to let me have him. My Golden Retriever I had named before he was conceived.
I dog sat for his parents. When his mother got pregnant with his litter I would talk to her belly. I would tell him of all we would do when he was born. The places we would go, the parks, the beaches. It would be lovely. He was one in a litter of 13. I knew him when I saw him (I got first pick of course). He was my Tucker. At 4 days old he sucked my finger. I would go visit every other day until he was old enough to leave his mommy. My parents, who fought so hard for me to not get a dog, brought along his brother. 2 Puppies! But he knew he was mine.
We slept together, we played together. I would come home and he would bounce through grass to meet me. When I was sick he was there with me. My mom tried to get him to come out and eat while I slept, he would not leave my side. He was not a dog, he was my child. My first.
When I started dating my husband first things first, We were a set. He could not have me without my baby. Things got serious, and I would bring Tucker over so he could get used to our new house.
One day while Brad and I were laying on the floor watching a movie Tucker came over and peed on Brad's head. It was PRICELESS. He wanted to know who this guy was with his mommy!
I got pregnant. People told me I would not feel the same about my dog when my baby was born and I blew them off. What do they know? They don't love their dogs like I loved my dog! He will be a big brother. He is a Golden for goodness sake! It is their jobs to love kids.
But things changed. I don't know how or why. But my dog is a dog. I don't take him places. I don't cuddle with him. There are days I forget to feed him. But even after 4 years of being at the bottom of my priority list he still hopes. He hopes that I will play with him. I feel awful that I don't make time for him. I say his name and he come RUNNING from where ever he is with incredible excitement at the invitation of my attention. I do love him. He is good to my kids even though I know he knows they are what came between us.
I need to stop being an ass and be a better mommy to my dog.